Sweet Angel Eyes

Dear Baby Boy,

I love the way your eyes wandering around. The way you looked at me with your beautiful brown twinkling small eyes. Those eyes shine brightly and I don't know if I ever can say No to whatever you will ask for. The way you would look for me when you felt I was further away from you. I know you can smell my presence. Your eyes will be much smaller as your cheeks become chubbier. :) You indeed have my eyes, the chingy eyes. But mine is nothing compared to yours. Coz you have sweet angel eyes......

Love,
Mummy

Anakku

The long needle

Dear Hizqiel,

Mummy is so proud of you. I was so worried last night for this morning event. The nurse checked for your weight and height. You have grown from 2.7kg to a healthy 4kg and you have grown taller too from 49cm to 52cm. Syukur Alhamdulillah. Nurse chatted with mummy a little regarding the immunisation package/price and how she thought Daddy will be with us for next month's checkup. Honestly, I really wanna Daddy to be with us too but sadly weekdays is a difficult time for him.

Then the moment came, it was already time for you to take the Hep-B jab. The long needle scared Aunty Sila out as she was the one carrying you. I was standing by your side and I watched the needle pierced into your skin. You cried out loud but only for a moment.

I'm so proud of you baby. You're so strong. You're more pampered now especially after the injection. You wanna to be cradle almost everytime. I love you so much boy. So much. Muacks!!

Love,
Mummy

Weakling

As soon as he stepped out of the house for HTA at 2110hrs just now, I became all weak inside. He kissed us goodbye for Sunday and will be back to see us on Friday. Everyday is a counting down of hours, especially the nights that how I wish he is around.

Strangely I have not been in tears ever since the arrival of my lil man. But tonight exceptionally I admit defeat. Not too sure of my true feelings now, all I'm worried about is for tomorrow. Baby Hizqiel will be going for his 1 month medical checkup, that also means his 2nd jab. I am worked out, worrying so hard inside. A mum can worry right? Like will he wail so loudly/have a fever/etc.

This may sound very un-independant of me, but tomorrow will be the 1st time I go for a checkup unaccompanied and with the thoughts of me not able to contain my emotions tomorrow really make me all sick right now.

I really hope things will be all well tomorrow. Insya'Allah. Dear God, please help me to go through this with much patience. Please give me the strength that I need and please protect my son from all sickness. Amin.

The Real Numbers

Confinement period, to some I've asked mentioned it is 30 days, some said 40 while some like my mom said it's 44. To play it safe, 44 days it will be. Someone has to listen to her own mother, right?

It's nearing to a month since I laid my eyes on this lil boy I called my own. Hizqiel has tremendously grown since day 1 though I find it so difficult to notice that he is much bigger now. But those chubby cheeks, I gotta say is super cute with his round face.

Alternatively, this may be personal but Hizqiel is mainly on formula now. Up to this very day, I am still encouraging him to latch on and suck it up but he ain't doing it, or is it I am doing it all wrong. I suppose blaming it on me is much better than the lil one. He is so innocent, pure and seeing him calms me. I gotta admit that I am indeed in a lil stress/depress whenever things go on my way and hence this is one of the case too. I shall not give up and will still encourage him to try and try and  I have to get the bottle ready, just in case he starts wailing.

Right now, I'm also focusing on getting back my energy and fitness and don't mention the flabby tummy and thighs. These two needs serious major 'makeover'. If only I have thousands of moolah, I shall go for the London weight treatment and shed all those pound and look slim like the ladies as advertised. :D

15 more days to go and 'pantang' will be done. Insya'Allah I can start fasting, loose more weight for raya and seriously 'rimas' already need to go out !!

140710, 2106

Hi Baby,

Welcome to the world dear Jnr! Mummy would like to note down the event that happen on your birthday.

Following the previous entry on Contraction, boy or boy it was indeed very soon. The little contractions that I felt were the real deal only small little ones and that was dated on 13th July 2010. Amazingly, though I was not full term yet, dear boy can’t wait to see the world.

During my 36weeks checkup with Dr HH Tan on Wednesday, my hypertension was very high. I had to retake my BP twice, one using the machine and the other manually. 3 times with much higher levels, Dr just had to check whether I’m dilated. My oh my, I was already 3 cm dilated by then.

No choice it seems, due to my gestitational diabetes add up with hypertension, with 3cm dilated, Dr had to break my waterbag. I was sent to Labour Ward, did all the registration and in I went at 1400hrs. Did I mention I was pretty much glad that parents, eldest brother and eldest niece came to accompany me for the checkup. If I had went all alone, I will definitely panic! Plus with dear Husband not around, I will be much more stressed up.

1400hrs
In the labour ward with the company of Mak, I felt nothing but scared! I didn’t know what to expect, as it happened too sudden. I couldn’t grasp the real fact that I had to deliver the baby on the same day. All I wanted was for my husband to be by my side. I constantly updating him and wishing that he could hurry on down to be with me.

1500hrs
Time to break the waterbag and Mak was very very afraid to see it, she left the room; leaving me all alone. When the procedure was done, I had no one to hold on to, just my hands on the bedsheet. It was a fast procedure but painful. I updated Zulie almost every few minutes. I was so weak morally that I had to constantly cry on my own. I kept on reciting surah-surah and asking Allah swt for his protection and guidance.

1600hrs
I was already on drip by this time and the nurse constantly checking on the contraction level. She asked if I felt any pain, and when I replied her NO. She said that I might have high tolerance on pain coz apparently I already have contractions 3 minutes apart. Not long after Hubby called to say he is on the way to KK. I felt relieved but really hope that I will not be in so much pain as the contractions are getting stronger each minute. I told my parents to go back as there’s no need to wait for me, it will take long afterall. I know deep down they are very worried for me. It touched me more when my dad was in tears calling my brother to take a look at me while hubby is still on his way.

1700hrs
Hubby arrived by this time and not long after, the nurse in-charged increase the drip level to 12 and not long after, the contractions were stronger with 2 minutes apart.

1800hrs
I finally asked for gas to relieve the pain. It did work a little or should I say it works wonders at the beginning. They mentioned that Doctor will come and check on me at 1900-2000hrs.

1900hrs
I was mentally prepared to have the doctor checked me by this hour. A doctor on duty checked on me and asked if I’m fine. For the past hour, I couldn’t take the pain that I asked the midwife for Epidural. But before giving it to me, she did another check on my dilation and told me that there’s no need for one. She was very confident when she said she will give me another hour and I will definitely be on labour. Though I was feeling the strong contractions so bad, I felt relieved to hear what she said. Meaning, yes! No Epidural for me!!

2000hrs
This is the time where it all happened. I was breathing in and out using the gas constantly and in a faster rate. Midwife called Dr HH Tan. He said he will arrive in 30 minutes time. Meanwhile, hubby was by my side giving me the moral support. He constantly told me to endure the pain and to breathe in and out using the gas. (He is very garang!) Oh did I mentioned, my midwife was garang too? Yes 2 garang people by my side. But all that fierceness worked for me, I listened (alil) and endure the pain.

2030hrs – 2100hrs
Midwife started to tell me to start my own slight pushes. Dr HH Tan arrived and the ‘drama’ begins. I was holding on tight to hubby’s hands. I started to push as directed by midwife and doctor.

2106hrs
Midwife and Doc told me to look infront and not to use the gas and give a final push. I did just that, and there he is..our lil baby born. Tears rolled down hubby’s cheek, the tears of joy. He kissed me and I was relieved and glad that everything went well.

14th July 2010, 2106hrs Baby Hizqiel Matin was born.
Mummy and Daddy love you Jnr!

Love,
Mummy
25/7/10

Labor Contractions

Hi Baby,
Since last night, I've been thinking lately on the term 'Contractions'. Ever since my gf, Aisha was admitted in Labor ward for 15hrs with constant contractions of minutes apart but still your lil friend is not ready as yet.

Many of my friends said, contractions are like menstrual cramps and it will certainly attack the back of my body. Honestly I am clueless on how the pain will be as I've hardly experience mestrual cramps but at the same time I am looking forward to it.

Last night about 8-ish, I kinda felt that pain though slightly it did alarmed me and with you moving strongly, changing your position. Though it felt tightened at the abdomen area but not the back. It lasted for atleast 5 seconds then it went away. Honestly Mummy is very clueless now, still unsure what was that. Then just 30 mins ago, I felt the same thing and once again, it lasted for 5 seconds and it dissappear.

I decided to google on Labor Contractions and this is what I read.

Labor Contractions
Labor contractions are the periodic tightening and relaxing of the uterine muscle, the largest muscle in a woman's body. Something triggers the pituitary gland to release a hormone called oxytocin that stimulates the uterine tightening. It is difficult to predict when true labor contractions will begin.


Contractions are often described as a cramping or tightening sensation that starts in the back and moves around to the front in a wave-like manner. Others say the contraction feels like pressure in the back. During a contraction, the abdomen becomes hard to the touch. In the childbirth process, the work of labor is done through a series of contractions. These contractions cause the upper part of the uterus (fundus) to tighten and thicken while the cervix and lower portion of the uterus stretch and relax, helping the baby pass from inside the uterus and into the birth canal for delivery.

How Contractions are Timed
Contractions are intermittent, with a valuable rest period for you, your baby, and your uterus following each one. When timing contractions, start counting from the beginning of one contraction to the beginning of the next.


The easiest way to time contractions is to write down on paper the time each contraction starts and its duration, or count the seconds the actual contraction lasts, as shown in the example below. Writing down the time and length of the contraction is extremely helpful for describing your contraction pattern to your physician, midwife or hospital labor and delivery personnel.

What Contractions Feel Like
Many mothers describe contractions that occur in early labor as similar to menstrual cramps, or as severe gas pains, which may be confused with flu symptoms or intestinal disorders. Imagine your contractions as looking like a wave. Each contraction will gradually gain in intensity until the contraction peaks, then slowly subside and go away. As your body does the work of labor, it is likely that the time in between contractions will become shorter.


As the strength of each contraction increases, the peaks will come sooner and last longer. There should be some regularity or pattern when timed. Persistent contractions that have no rhythm but are five-to-seven minutes apart or less should be reported to your physician or midwife

Try to visualize contractions as positive
Think of each contraction as something positive—it is bringing you that much closer to the birth of your baby. Visualize what the contractions are accomplishing, the thinning and opening of the cervix and the pushing of the baby downward. Try to work with your body rather than against it by staying as relaxed as possible during the contractions.

Typical Length or Duration
A typical labor for a first time mother is eight-to-fourteen hours, and is usually shorter for a second or subsequent birth. For many women, rocking in a chair or swaying during a contraction assists them with this relaxation.

Am thinking positive now. Mummy will wait for the 'pain' to come again and we'll see if it's really the contractions :)

Love,
Mummy
13/7/10

@ 36 weeks

Hi Baby,

It feels darn good that mummy's maternity leave kicks off today. Woohoo!!
Feeling more relax that I'm away from work, office but I do miss the nice people at work.
Even you feel the same too, with your movements since morning and as I'm typing this, I could feel you are more relax too. :)
Sadly, I really want this rest badly.

This coming 14th July (wed) we will meet again my dear jnr and finally we have decided on a name for you.
Insya'Allah everything will be fine. Smooth delivery and all. However baby, mummy really hope you decide to see the world on the last week of July or during the due date itself, when your father is around. :) Mummy wouldn't wanna him to miss his lessons, his trainings though. Let's work together as a family right now ok.

I am so excited for your arrival and at the same time, I'm really unsure of my feelings of fear and anxiety. People around us are all excited, guess that has taken much of my 'fear'. Whatever it is the pain will be, I am looking forward to it. Everybit of it as I wanna it to be a great experience for me as a Mummy. So one fine day, I could tell you how is it having you from day 1.

More or less your stuffs are ready, except that Mummy needs to do more spring cleaning at home. So you see taking early leave is not only to rest but to also clean up the room for you dear. Mummy loves you.

See you this Wednesday. This time around Nenek and Datuk will be accompanying us ya.
*Hugs*

Love,
Mummy
12/7/10

My Lil unborn mischief

Syukur Alhamdulillah. You're doing fine Baby. Your legs are on my left side now no wonder the super active kicking and movements these few days. You are lying about 45 degrees with your head on my bottom right side. Hence the bulging round on the bottom right often during my sleep and in the morning. :)

Baby, you're my lil mischief. You will move strongly and actively minutes before we enter the doctor's room. But once we're in the room, you will often be quiet and lay there without moving nor kicking. You will be a good boy. Then once we left the room, you started to move and kicking mummy. Are you scared to see Dr Tan? Hehe. :)

Today Mummy Maria is one happy delighted individual as it was her 1st time witnessing a baby scan. She saw your head, your heartbeat and surprisingly she kept saying Dr Tan is a cute doctor. Cheeky as ever!

After visiting Doc Tan, mummy went to visit the dietian regarding the sugar readings for the past few weeks. Syukur everything is fine, instead of high she mentioned that it was rather low. But still Mummy needs to continue taking the sugar readings til labour.

We will meet again this coming 14th July baby. This time around, we will bring Nenek and Datuk along ya since Daddy is in camp. I'm sure Daddy miss you alot.

Good Night my lil mischief.
Love you,
Mummy
30/6/10

@ 34 weeks

At 34 weeks now and feeling all emotional/mixed feelings. But definately I could feel Jnr's movement are stronger and harder now. Each push, kick are often too strong that all I wanna do is laugh. Yes mummy is enjoying all these baby. I'm gonna miss having you moving in me when it is time for you to see the world.

But not too soon dear. Not just yet. As you know Daddy is not at home from Monday-Thursday. So please hang in there when it is already full term and when Daddy is around ya.

Mummy will certainly would like to thank you for being there for and with me when Daddy is not around. You keep me company with your cute movements that all I wanna do is smile and talk to you. I hope I am feeding you well these days. Tomorrow I will see you and I am so excited and anxious to know your progress at this stage and also I really hope the diabetes level has gone down. I really hope you are doing just fine inside, happy and healthy.

I love you Jnr. See you tomorrow.
Mummy loves you.

Good night love.
29/6/10