Oh even so, I felt much much better. Inside and Out (despite always being in black) so people will not notice me! I had mentioned it to her. The whole situation that I do not wanna be IN anymore. No offence to the whole thingy though, but I just feel that I am not that pretty enuff. But as soon as I said that, I built my self confidence back. Probably the case of being honest was the best remedy to all unhealthy thoughts.
A friend told me, quit that envying and jealousy for it is very unhealthy for me. She is right indeed. Nonetheless, I couldn't stop my brain cells to tell me otherwise.
Honestly, I grew in mass now, though weighs the same. Eyes too small (but thank god for the double eyelid) still small eyes. Bah! Not that tall. crack lips bla bla bla. I knew I don't stand the chance anymore, and I did some thinking before that I wanna do something with my own effort, mission and goal. To see how hard it is really is compared to the way it already is right now.
For now, I'm planning things out before I finally decide the whole thing. Things might just happen unexpectedly, so I am laying down the pointers first. If it is a false alarm, I will source out for the best talented individuals.
Then I also realized that amount don't really matter. Well there's a limit to "don't matter". Still how sucky can it be? For a start, sure "Deal or No deal" then paid "peanuts". Overall, at the end of the day, I guess to do something, achieveing it, sourcing it, do it happily and to accomplise something do stand a better chance of being Beautiful inside and out.
This entry started with an image of building self confidence and suddenly has turned totally random.
