I think I'm lagging of social life nowadays. Problems have eventually made me officially once again a workaholic freak. Been doing mostly overtime almost everyday. Except on Sundays. Even so, I would be up early on Sundays and out to have breakfast alone or with dear Hubby.
Spending time chit chatting, chilling with others have become a 'pointless' for me now. I am not trying to hide or run away from others however, I can't simply sit and mock and talk crap and laugh as often as I do. Furthermore I don wish for many show sympathy to me. Well each time I wanna to 'relax', I would end up gazing into the air with a troubled look. I gotta be honest that sometimes it was plain day dreaming, or just being quiet however whateva happened last week made me a 'lost dreamer'.
Sleep has not been a best pal for me since. I often sleep when I am not supposed to. I would steal a lil bit of time to shut my eyes for few minutes. But eventually when I'm lying on his bed, I would end up sleeping for 2hrs or so. Then I would suddenly wake up with a total shock. Somehow, it wasn't peaceful. My mind is worrying nonstop.
Worrying has been the main factor this 2007. At least, I could wash away the tots while I'm at work. Drowned myself with work and more work. I would prefer to be home much much later than usual. It just gave me the reason to be home late due to work and by the time I'm home, I would be too tired to do something else. Just wanna have my gd nite rest as I know the same routine will be done the next day. Gotta revive my mind, body and soul for more work drowning.
Despite that I know I could not take it, I forced myself to do more. Think more of work and try to do things to occupy the space in my mind just to avoid worrying. Thankfully, Gf is getting married this July and she wanna get certain things on her own, design the room deco and the gubahan too. Since I've volunteer to be her 'orang kuat'.. me and her did some planning, what to get, what to do and more. At least, this occupies my time. Putting aside misery and problem and add more creativity into me.
I did mention to some that I would wanna give up on that issue. But thanks to Nana, Sis Sila, Anna and especially Zulie and my hubby.. Words of encouragement did help. Though nutin much can be done, I already did my part. Last nite, I waited 2 hrs to meet the interviewer to get appeal on the rented place. I finally moved my butt to seek help from the Marsiling MP. Zulie accompanied me since 7plus to 10plus. I really appreciate what she has done for me. Well I just hope my appeal gets approve by the MP. Though the waiting is quite a torture, I shall patiently wait for their reply in 3 to 4 weeks time. If its rejected, I've already have another plan in mind.
The plan might be a temporary solution. It may be small but in it lives 3 people who were staying separately with each other for 5 yrs. This year, I'm gonna make a change. This year I wanna be the one taking care of them. They have done so much for me since I was a kid. The reason he sold the old flat was to get money to send me to study in Europe for 6 weeks few years ago. I felt bad once I heard the truth. Therefore, I've decided eventhough the place we gonna stay is very small compared to all, happiness, shelter and good heatlh is all I'm asking for. To my mak and bapak, I cant wait for us to be living under the same roof again. Since both sides are having their own problems, let us move out and lead a happier life. Let it be 3 for now insya'allah in 2009, we'll welcome your future son-in-law. Together, he and I will bring happiness to both of you. We will buy a bigger place for us to stay together. Insya'allah.
Kartelo Hello
